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A list o' links

Here you will find a compilation list of the non-Legacy stories in the Squeaky Clean Universe. There will be a separate list for the Legacy chapters.

The links go to the Dreamwidth account.  Right now I don't have linkbacks to my LJ entries either for commenting, or to Boolprop, should you choose. A work in progress, you may call it.

Current work:

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Completed work:

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The co-written slash spinoff between DoctorSupremeNerd's The Vetinari Dualegacy. This is its one comm, currently hosted LJ.  It has much more mature content than SC; be warned.

Reaper Child and Dr. Death: now at over 100,000 words long.
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A slightly sloppy link to the Squeaky Clean Legacy

It may not be tidy, but you can find everything there.

Professor Butters, Dreamwidth, Squeaky Clean Legacy

The first fifteen chapters or so are on Clockwatching. If you scroll down to Loolooloo16Play, which was my Sims 2 exchange username, you'll find them. They may not be the prettiest thing you've ever seen, but hooptytrib saved our butts and I for one am incredibly grateful.

EDIT: As of 5/1/2019, Hoopty's A Certain Reader seems to be down. He still saved our butts, and I'm still grateful. The Exchange tanking on us was really freaky.

The others are in much nicer Slideshare format. I'm converting them, but it's kinda low priority right now.

Anyway, it was driving me crazy not to find them myself, so here it is.

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The Cassius Marius Bachelor Challenge

Once upon a time....
...there was a Sims 2 legacy called The Ten Caesars, by Ben/Blite27.

I ran across it somehow as I tooled around on the old Sims 2 Exchange. It caught my eye right away, because I'd been a huge fan of I, Claudius back in the day. Goodness, children, those were the days of PBS and appointment television and begging my Mom to let me use up my half an hour of TV per week for a WHOLE HOUR watching something cultural on Masterpiece Theatre. Once in a while, I could talk my parents around into permitting me to watch whole Shakespeare plays. My, my, they were cunning.

For obvious reasons, Ten Caesars became an instant favorite with me, so much so that I started my own legacy, which the nice writers at Boolprop.Com were very nice about. I'll spare you the Squeaky Clean meta for another day.

It was common to swap around simselves and Legacy characters in them days, although I always, always asked the author's permission first. As the story rolled along in Ten Caesars and got to Tiberius, my simself made a brief appearance at the Patrician House fraternity and somehow decided to hop into a hot tub with the one Roman doofus who brought his mom along on an outing--and this was in a group of Romans who were such dim bulbs that they would stroll down a street and all think "What's This?" at a lamp post.

Flavius Marius is the kind of innocent, pratfall-prone character I've always loved, and Blite was nice enough to marry my simself to him. Since I knew my Suetonius, I also knew we were headed for Caligula and that Blite's Rome was about to turn into the Hunger Games. This did not sound nice at all to me. Flavius had about the same chances as a goldfish in a tank of piranhas. Since I also ran one of the most aggressively pink and cute legacies around, I asked to import Flavius back, along with his cousin Publius Scipio for my legacy heiress, Sunny Goodytwoshoes. Surely they'd be reasonably safe there, right?

Publius had made a fairly accurate assessment of what Rome had been like and was about to be like. No, thanks. He married into my legacy house, changed his last name to Goodytwoshoes, and with the help of my legacy family and a looootta time playing OFB, got Five Top Businesses.

Flavius, however, maintained an unreasonable nostalgia for the old place and started a political and cultural clash in Pleasantview. He got it right up the nose, ran for mayor, insisted on Rome in the Home, and began a set of shenanigans you would not have believed possible of a relatively unpopular Pop Sim. Oh, yeah, and married my Simself, which boosted things along.

The Exchange went down, and two kind people kept it alfloat: WriterTina, who wrote a Python script that converted the Exchange stories into Open Office, and Hoopytrib, who created Hoopty's Ark. Until a week or two ago, many legacies could still be read there. I'm so grateful to both of them, and think fondly of WriterTina, who sadly passed on several years ago.

For some reason, I started converting my legacy into Slideshare format a week or two ago. The latter chapters were already on Slideshare, but I wanted for them all to be there. I got up to Generation Three, Sunny's generation, and paused.

Explaining Flavius was relatively easy: married in another legacy, brought back to author's home legacy, and married and married and married in a lot of other legacies, too. There was another Roman, though, who needed a lot more explanation.

As Ben's story progressed towards Caligula-Hour, my simself and Flavius somehow produced a fearsomely weird-looking, grouchy Romance Sim. Cassius Marius, as I've said elsewhere, was like an unfixed tomcat: loud, belligerent, and lecherous. Like a tomcat, he was devoted to fights and sex, but mostly sex. I was fascinated and appalled. Didn't he know what his mom was like? Yeah, he did...and wanted no part of it.

Something had to be done. I asked permission for a few more Romans, including Cassius. The idea was to put him into the Bachelor Challenge From Hell. Multiple slapfests, aspiration failures, squeegee mop-kissing, and so forth. It didn't quite work out that way.

Once again, I asked for Cassius, this time to be imported into the Legacy proper, where he proceeded to become an antagonist bent on degrading the morals of the place.

If a reader interested in a twelve year old legacy were to start from the beginning and continue reading, there would be a point where he or she would exclaim, "egads! Who is this Cassius Marius? From whence did he come?" And the answers are 1) Ten Caesars, and 2) this Bachelor Challenge.

Fair warning: my picture skills were TERRIBLE at the time. Walls down, open skies...I wouldn't get the hang of Cameraman Mode or even know what it WAS for years.

Nevertheless, for my own, and possibly your amusement, back from the dead: the Cassius Marius Bachelor Challenge.

professor daring do

Review: It Ain't Easy Being Breezies (My Little Pony, Season 4, Episode 16) [spoilers]

 WELL.  This episode sure was controversial!

[Review. Spoilers!]Yes.




Colorful candy colored magical ponies became colorful candy colored magical FAIRY ponies!  I know, right?
I am filled with disgust. I mean, good Lord, look at those two in the middle!  A pink and a rainbow fairy pony?  Who does that?

I am going to be really blunt here.  It looked to me as though a whole lotta guys suddenly realized they were watching a little girls' cartoon about magical pastel ponies--unicorns, yet--becoming fairies, looked down south, panicked, and had to reach down to see if the old billiards were still there.  And then rushed into the kitchen to check.  And then came hurrying out, laden with wrath and Doritos, to hit their keyboards.  RAAAAGE!

To be fair, it wasn't ALL guys, and it wasn't ALL crazed, but a whole lot of it came from that direction.

I liked the episode.  And it wasn't just because I mostly am easy to be pleased by episodes. In retrospect, there are episodes this season that I could take or leave, and I don't care much about other opinions of them, either.  Rarity Takes Manehattan, for instance, didn't really grab me then, and doesn't grab me now.  I didn't hate it; it just didn't really send me.

I thought the tone and the theme and the subject matter and the main character just all blended together really well.  It was very gossamer and gauzy, and worked so well for a delicate yellow Pegasus who loves animals and embodies kindness. Fluttershy's lessons over a few seasons have been really complex ones about balancing compassion and assertiveness, which I'd pinpoint as very much a female-gendered issue. Be nice, and watch as everyone blows you off.  She's just too nice. But be assertive, and wow, is she ever a bitch! It's all about balancing the interior and THEN having to manage the exterior, too.  I know that in my heart, I don't feel as though I'm a very nice person.  I do things because I'm afraid people will think I'm a bitch if I don't, and by the time I sort it all out, I don't really know how I feel anymore.  And I think a lot of lady-type people feel the same way.  (And MAN do I admire the ones who don't.  MAN.) What a great lesson, learning when being "kind" isn't kind at all, and at the same time teaching the actual value of kindness. Dumbledore said it: it's a very underrated quality.

The Breezies (in case you didn't know, and I wouldn't have), are a revamp of something from a previous generation--Generation Three, I think?  Anyway, like Pinkie Pie and Rarity and Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo, they go back a generation and have been totally rethought. Not only are they super physically delicate, but they also have their own magical world that has a portal which is only open for a very short time.  Huh--we've seen that before, come to think of it. So yay, we got a whole new kind of magical pony-like creature. Cries of "they brought it back to sell Breezie toys!" leave me unmoved.  This is where we came in.

Anyway, the opening, with Fluttershy teaching everyone to cheer *softer,* and the by play with Sea Breeze, who scolds like a Scots elder but turns out to have a really good reason for doing so, and Fluttershy's genuine sadness at letting them go, and a glimpse at the Breezie homeland and a Breezie foal, ZOMG--those were all really good.

"But, but, but!  How did Twilight Sparkle just turn them into Breezies like that?  This was never explicitly explained! How could they get all the way across Equestria? Why was her "key" a flower?  Flowers go bad! It doesn't make sense!  HOW HOW HOW?

Here's how:

Dudes, it is a MAGICAL FLOWER.  Please. You have two magical pony princesses who are over a thousand years old running the whole country.

Some legit headscratchers:

1. I wasn't too crazy about Spike being the one to disrupt the Breezie migration and then to have to apologize.  It's not bad here, per se, it's just that Spike blowing it and apologizing and then disappearing happens a little too often. Still, something had to happen or someone had to do something, and they picked Spike.  It's not as though the others couldn't have been the ones to blow it.  Pinkie could hardly hold it together because of the sheer cuteness mass, and Rarity was a weeny bit bright and shiny.

2. The whole "pollen will go bad" thing.  They could have left that out.  It was more trouble than it was really worth and raised more questions than it answered.  I suspect they were trying to sidestep some stuff.  The Breezie migration looks a lot like a butterfly migration (and of course Fluttershy is very connected with those visually.) Most migrations of that kind are so that animals can get to their mating and breeding grounds, like salmon or eels, and a lot of them die along the way or die as soon as they get there.  "They can't stop because the pollen will go bad" sounds a whole lot nicer than "if they stop swimming, they die."

But those were pretty minor, balanced against a whole lot of pretty and a story that choked me up.

One issue that keeps coming up is that when you point out, "this is a cartoon for little girls," the come back is inevitably, "you must have standards! That is no excuse!  It is" (to use one guy's favorite phrase) "objectively bad!"  This guy also insists that EVERYONE who watches the show is a Brony.  "Objectively." Including little kids.  It's so frustrating. Finally, I got tired of it, so I'm rescuing this from EQD, for myself if nobody else.

I try sooooo hard not to copypasta, but I'm going to do it here. This might contain spoilers for the episode, too.

[It's FOR KIDS. Geez.]
t is for kids. There was nothing wrong with the story. From what I can tell, the whining--and it is whining, though not necessarily from you personally--has to do with the appearance of cute little fairy characters and Twilight's use of magic. And inaccurate physics, for heavens' sake! It IS for little kids, especially little girls. This is not about "therefore it does not have to be good." This is about "this is an element of the GENRE."
Instead of asking "what do I, personally, want? what genre do I want? I want it to be adventure/science fiction aimed at my demographic, and it failed to be what I want," the question needs to be "what type of story is it? what elements is that kind of story supposed to have? Given those criteria, does the story do it well?" Therefore--were the characters in character? Was the storyline believable? Was the pacing good? Did we get new elements to the world of Equestria? Was it attractively designed *for its type*? Did it do what it was supposed to do as part of the main story arc? Was there some sort of emotional heft to the story? The only thing I can fault it on, perhaps, is pacing--there might have been a little too much time in Fluttershy's cottage, but I think that was intentional.
It was a fairy story. Characters being transformed into fairies and traveling to fairyland goes with the territory.
I do think you sometimes mis-hear "this is a show for little girls," as "I am not applying any critical standards." The two are not necessarily connected. What I'm suggesting is that with critical standards, one size does not fit all.


Coming from the guy who insists that even the little girls who watch the show are "bronies," I'm not surprised.
It wasn't an "excuse" or a copout. I was saying that I liked it. I say "genre," by which I mean "fairy story," as in Hans Christian Andersen and James Barrie. You mishear this --and I think wilfully mishear this-- as "audience," and you are the one who is collapsing "little girls" into "low quality." I am not. I teach children's literature, for heaven's sake.
This episode is no more wrong or bizarre than "The Twelve Dancing Princesses," and you fail to understand this because you are so wedded to the idea that the show is for you, personally, and that little girls are ride-alongs. This is sad, as there are no rules that say adults can't respond with wonder and delight to something primarily intended for children. I'm inclined to think the world is a better place when they do. I do not expect you to change your opinion, however. In fact, I entirely expect you to respond to what I said in slightly different words.

And then I felt better, except for the part where I don't feel better at all, because I am sick and do not want to suffer fools gladly right now. In fact, I want to laugh at their grief and lamentations, which is why I rubbed my tiny hands in glee when Equestria Girls 3 was announced earlier today.

And that's about it from me!
look ma no thumbs

And it's yet more CheesePie! Because I don't have grading to do, no ma'am!

And it's a Hearts and Hooves Day fic, and it's totally unlike all those other ones that popped up on FiMFiction in the last day or two, I promise. Specially written for a contest on DeviantArt, this spectacularly original idea contains nothing you wouldn't show your gramma!

Party Of Two

BUT WAIT!  Because you have trekked over to my personal blog and gone to all that trouble, there is BONUS picnic CheesePie from a collab thread! I can totally steal from myself, right?

Someday I need to commission a picture of Cheese in that hat.  I always imagine him with a flotilla of hats, but with a Flim and Flam style straw hat for preference. And I have a Wind in the Willows-ish weakness for picnics with gentlemen wearing boaters.

["Parties are no picnic."]
“Picnic parties,” said Cheese Sandwich, sprawling on his back on a blue-checked blanket, “are harder than they look.”

“I know, I know!” spluttered Pinkie Pie, with her mouth full of cake. She swallowed, and then went on, “I mean my friend Fluttershy, right before Dash’s party was all ‘I love a nice picnic party,’ just because I said that parties were no picnic ---“

“Yeah! I was there, remember? Even picnic parties are no picnic! There’s no dance floor---“

“And you have to get all the food there—"

“And there’s the bugs—“

“And the bears!  I know!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, finishing their mutual sentence. “Of course, it’s a lot easier,” she admitted, rolling a little closer to him on the blanket, “if you don’t invite anypony else.”

“Uh-huh,” murmured Cheese, pulling his straw hat over his eyes. As far as he was concerned, even the hardest partying polka party ponies deserved the occasional picnic party that was strictly private, even the pink party ponies.  Especially the pink party ponies, and most especially this pink party pony, whom he didn’t get to see as much as he wanted to. The sun was warm, he was full of cake, and he could feel how close she was. That high sweet voice, like a handful of holiday bells, was jingling on and on and on, and it was so soothing.  He could listen to it forever, although of course he couldn’t.

What were the odds that he’d meet her again after all this time, and she would turn out to be so sensible and clever, and even better at parties than he was, not to mention very pink and squeezable? He was feeling pretty satisfied with himself, because there could only ever be one Pinkie Pie, and he had her – at least, right now. And he was pretty sure – at least, he was very nearly pretty sure --- anyway, she was the only Pinkie and she was here and that was all that mattered.

“---and then a herd of me ran right through Fluttershy’s picnic and it was all ruined, but she’s a good friend and she always forgives me when I do silly things like that, and anyway, I wasn’t there and couldn’t stop myselves.”

Wait a second. He lifted his hat off his eyes so he could look at her. “Myselves?”

“Oh, right, I didn’t tell you about the time I wanted to spend time with all my friends, and there wasn’t enough of me to go around, so I went to a mirror pool and got a whole lot more of me and me went abso-toot-lutely loco-cakes around Ponyville, including Fluttershy’s nice picnic, but she was great about it and now I don’t need to make a lot more of myself again because somehow I don’t feel as lonely anymore.”

“And how many of you were there?” he asked carefully.

“Oh,” said Pinkie Pie, “about sixteen or twenty.”

Cheese’s jaw dropped.  Twenty Pinkie Pies. Twenty . . . Pinkie  . . . Pies.

“You ok, Cheesie?”  Pinkie Pie waved her hoof in front of his face.  “Cheesie?”


Fanfiction, I tell you.  Keeps you young.  And keeps me off the horrible irony that I am so sick that I could no more eat a real cheese pie or a quiche than I could personally fly to the moon.
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Good choice, kid!

Little girl on Pony charity chat.

Host: Now let's hear from the target demographic.  Who's your favorite pony?
Little girl: (without hesitating) Cheese Sandwich.

Me: (laughing for days)
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how about no

Smile, Smile, Smile When You Say That (includes a few comments on MLP S4E14: Filli Vanilli)

Ponies photographed on a closed course.  Do not attempt.

Not the weirdest thing you’ve seen, probably!
Fluttershy: We’re very good friends, really.
… also, can I be Best Pony this week?
Why, yes, you can, Pinkie, despite the fact that you are an entirely imaginary creation in a cartoon for children.  Amy Keating Rogers, however, is not, and neither am I.
Warning for quoted bad language below. Also, I will be forced to call a certain disgusting fic by its actual name. I do not usually do this, as it feels like free advertising. Do yourselves the favor of not looking it up, because believe me, YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.
[Spoilers for Filli Vanilli, irritation with fandom]

MAN, I cannot wait for the new episode to be out, because maybe then a lot of people will have something new and shiny to distract them. And why?

Because Pinkie made Fluttershy cry.

Yes, I did find that odd, considering the fabulous character development she had two episodes ago, and I felt it was strangely out of character.  Actually, the second one isn't even that bad!  It didn't register as "off" when I first saw it--I thought Pinkie did in fact say "hey, how bad was it really?" and "you were great." She just really sucked at it. When Amy Keating Rogers, who writes the best Pinkie of anyone, insists that yes, it is in character, I think I ought to listen. I might still come away with the conclusion that it didn't communicate as well as it should have, but I'm certainly not going to spout off to her, no less, that I am a better writer than she is.  And worse. Death threats!  Jesus, Mary and Joseph, death threats over a cartoon, and it's not the first time!

What followed the first airing was Pinkie “correction” fics.  Pinkie “punishments.” Pinkie “defenses” ( e.g. “I’m glad she did that, ‘cause I fucking hate Fluttershy.”) Twitter attacks on the show staff. Physical threats made to people online, joking or real. ("I'll have to break the arm of anyone who says anything bad about Pinkie!" "DEATH TO PINKIE FANS!  PINKIE CAN NEVER BE FORGIVEN!") "IT IS ALL OVER!  THE SHOW IS ROONED!" Finally, after I was stupid enough to say something like, “well, if they were real, this would probably end in an apology and a hug, because this is that kind of show,” I got “You must support ‘Cupcakes’ and ‘Smile HD’: you fucking Pinkie lovers are all alike.  You make me sick.” (I am also, evidently, a cunt.)
When someone accuses me of supporting that fic, something that literally made me sick to my stomach for a whole weekend just hearing about it, then they have crossed a line. No, I do not want to pick fights because someone was wrong on the internet, and I’m not going to engage in “we’re not all like that” “yes, you are” stuff, and I have not appointed myself some self-designated White Knight of Internet Purification, but if you’re going to accuse me of liking “Cupcakes?”
—well, buddy, um, SMILE when you say that.

It's not as though Fluttershy hasn't had her little moments:

--and every single one of those reflects something real that is actually in Fluts, deep down.  Don't get me wrong: I sincerely love the character, and I even took her side in both Power Ponies and Bats. She is very much on the side of defenseless animals. I can identify with "why don't you pick on somepony your own size?"

But the reaction to this has been SO WEIRD.  My theory is this, and there have been others who have said this, too (I think Bronycurious, oddly enough!)--people like Fluttershy for the wrong reasons.  They like her as Boo Hoo Fluttershy, whereas actually Fluttershy is fine when she's being left alone to do what she feels comfortable doing. Remember back to Simple Ways?  A lot of people--let's call 'em guys--were calling for Trenderhoof to be smacked down by Big Mac and Spike, a-protectin' their wimminfolk. They didn't quite see it that way, but I sure did.  I thought it was interesting that after Rarity Takes Manehattan, a lot of people took to Coco Pommel, even calling her the "new Fluttershy."  INTERESTING. Not that people liked Coco, because frankly every new character acquires a fan following.  I've done it myself with both Babs Seed and Cheese Sandwich.  What I thought was interesting was the idea that she should be a replacement for Fluttershy, who suddenly went from moe anime girl to the attractive young environmentally conscious woman who made you feel bad about taking her to Sea World and then chowing down on sealburgers. They suddenly realized, "Ho shit, Fluttershy is like that girl from Greenpeace handing out pamphlets and who speaks up on behalf of those poor little brown rats!  I hate that chick!  Quick, let's find another cringing and easily bullied cute pony!"

One thing I sincerely liked was that for once, it wasn't Fluttershy being shoved into doing something she didn't want to do. It was her being conflicted about something she did want to do. We started out seeing her as a musician, for heaven's sake, and it's so nice to get back to that fundamental bit of her character. I also happen to like that style of music.

But the fandom reaction has been so awful that it will be a long time before I can just enjoy that episode.

I'm just gonna re-state this, for my own satisfaction, if nothing else: Amy Keating Rogers is right. Fluttershy DOES still like Pinkie.  And no, this wasn't Pinkie's "revenge" for "Putting Your Hoof Down."  The show is about friendship.  Friends try to work things out.  They love and forgive each other. That will always be the default mode of the show.  That IS the show. Your desire for retribution is not in the spirit of the show, your threats and insults to each other are definitely not in the spirit of the show, and death threats belong nowhere.  Not anywhere, never, none of the time.

So those are my thoughts.  I'm sure I'll be able to enjoy this episode again someday.  Just not today.
look ma no thumbs

More CheesePie fanfic! Because I don't have real responsibilities, nossir!

This one's a sequel to the last one, Swear on Camembert: It Bombed in Seaddle. Shippy, but clean as a whistle. I mostly write like that anyhow, with the exception of the co-write with docnerd , Reaper Child and Doctor Death, but that's original fic, not fanfic, and besides, there's something about mixing ponies with sex and violence that does not work for me at all.  Heck, A Canterlot Wedding has more whoomph in it than this does.  So if you decide to read it for whatever reason, you won't find anything offensive.

10,000 words of CheesePie later, I think I'm done. No, honestly, I think I left Cheese and Pinkie in a good spot.

The weird thing is that in almost every Pony fic I've ever written -- not a whole lot, I admit -- there's a strong element of early 20th century popular American theatre. That's probably partly because I'm a professor of theatre history, I have a big passion for early 20th century stuff (and if you like Downton Abbey, you probably do, too), and maybe because my favorite Pony tumblr is Ask Vaudeville, although I'm pretty sure that the last is because of the first two.

Seriously, ALL of the characters I feel comfortable about writing, and there aren't many, are Manehattanites with some kind of theatrical connection. I know you wouldn't think of Babs Seed as having one, but I gave her a vaudevillian grandfather, Pepper Seed, who was --- wait for it -- a hoofer. The family still has a book full of theatrical programs and some gramophone records with Pepper and Babs' gramma, Coco de Mer. Cheese has more of a comedian's/magician's/circus clown's background.  (His mom is terribly disappointed about his career path, by the way.) The Ask Vaudeville creator drew some connections with the Great Ponyacci from the IDW comic, but I think I was going there in my head anyhow. Babs' father is superstitious about the word "lucky," for very good reasons. They all use a hell of a lot of specialist argot and draw on details like why you don't whistle onstage. And like I said --

I only seem to be able to write ponies from whatever the Equestrian version of the Tri-State area is.

I'm from New Jersey.  Call it a comfort level thing. 
cecil eyebrow

The Prof on shipping, Part 3: Pony fanon shipping

So you wanna know what I think, what I really, really think?

With Rainbow Rocks, and the direction the show is taking these days, this may be an interesting one.

[Cause it's waaaay long.]Here is a simple rule to determine if your favorite ship is a canon ship!

1.  Is it Shining Armor/Cadance, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, Twilight's parents, Rarity's parents?
--Congratulations!  You have a canon ship! Anything below this line is not canon. Not yet.  Notice how small this category is?  By definition, anything below this line is not (yet) canon, and since it isn't, it simply isn't worth arguing about.

2. Is it CheesePie?
Just yanking your chain.  It's nothing of the kind. It falls into Category 3.

3. Is it Big Mac/Cheerilee, Soarin/Dash, (maybe Bulk/Shy) and of course Flashlight?
Whatcha got there is *plausible* canon.  That's to say that it might or might not become canon at some point, either in MLP itself or Equestria Girls. That's not the same thing, by the way.  Big Mac/Cheerilee is extremely unlikely to happen in Equestria Girls, as there she is a teacher and he is still a student. You'll notice that Soarin', Flash, and Cheese aren't local boys?  This is intentional, I think.  It's a way of giving them boyfriends who are seldom or never underfoot.  Big Mac/Cheerilee is unlikely to be inconvenient, so it's possible, and I'm definitely seeing hints.

Man, I am getting bored with shrieks of "it's canon, it's canon!" when actually, no, it isn't yet.  Finally I consulted a truly reliable source, the online Magic Eight Ball:

Cause why the hell not, right?  Honestly, people make MORE fuss about this and this is as good of a predictor as any.

Cheerilee/Big Mac: Outlook Good

Fluttershy/Big Mac: Reply Hazy, Ask Again
Pinkie Pie/Cheese Sandwich: Without A Doubt [hah! nailed it!]
Soarin/Dash: Ask Again Later
Twilight Sparkle/Flash Sentry:
--in Rainbow Rocks: Most Likely
--the main show?: Concentrate and Ask Again
--ok, I'm asking again: Most Likely

And HEY: this is faster than any of your silly "evidence."  Pssht.

4. Lyra/Bon Bon, Vinyl/Octavia?
This is Heavy Fanon.  It's so widely accepted that you will have an uphill climb convincing anyone to accept anything else, but it's not necessarily sensible.  Lyra/Bon Bon is at least based on them standing next to each other a lot.  As far as I can tell, Vinyl and Octavia haven't even met. The Pony That Must Not Be Named and Doctor Whooves *might* fall into this category, too.  If the Doctor sits next to Cloudchaser or Roseluck, all hell breaks loose, but there's no reason it should.

5. Anything else, including inter-Mane Six ships, are unlikely to happen.  They could surprise me, but honestly, I doubt it. This is true no matter HOW much they tease it.  The show staff may hint at it all they like, but I would not count on it.

6. Anywhere from a lot to a little grody, in my opinion:

Spike/Rarity: Transcending inter-species relationship? Not sure it can or should be done.  The main problem, though, is that he is TOO YOUNG.  Yes, he is.  Sorry, but he is.  The show's writer place him at around ten years old. Even if you assume that the Mane Six are in their teens, he is STILL too young. And I can't see Rarity as that young.  Pony ages seem to run differently from ours. They're more like Sims 2 age lumps. I don't like getting hung up on this, because I'm not going to write anything that hinges on whether a pony is "legal" or not. My general rule of thumb with fanfic is that it stays at more or less the same level as the source material, or cleaner.  Therefore, my Harry Potter fic is clean, although I once hinted that Lockhart finds Lupin attractive.  Pure joke material. My South Park fic is still pretty clean . . . ish, although face it, it's South Park.  Inoffensive South Park is just about impossible. So yes, it's got some offensive stuff in it, but it's mostly in Cartman's mouth, and since Butters is my favorite character, it rarely even goes there.

Stuff with the CMC:
Even if you grow them up, it still feels weird to me.  I felt the same way with Harry Potter fanfics that looked forward to when they were older.

ANYTHING with Discord.  So wrong on so many levels.

7. Stuff I refuse to even contemplate:
Well, I refuse to contemplate it, so it's hard to say.

As for stuff I like--

1. CheesePie.  Shocked me to the core, but it's irresistibly cute.  As I've said elsewhere, even non-shippers ship CheesePie.  The people who don't, simply do not ship at all, or:

--already ship Pinkie with another character, or
--they are weirded out by Cheese being voiced by Weird Al: totally legit, I think, although I don't see it that way. I don't think of Andrea Libman as being Pinkie or Fluttershy or John de Lancie as being Discord, so I don't see why Weird Al should be Cheese,
--they're too similar.  OK, since Cheese is almost a mirror image of Pinkie, I could see that.  Still, they're not THAT similar.  Pinkie is rooted in Ponyville, Cheese is a rolling stone.  Pinkie is an extrovert, and Cheese is an introvert (yeah, he is.  You'd be AMAZED at how bubbly and outgoing we can seem.  The acid test is whether you're recharged by being with people or being alone or with one or two close people.) Cheese is a city boy, Pinkie is really rural.  And so on. Or,
--they MUST be related.  This, IMO, is stupid.  There is absolutely no reason to think they are, unless you subscribe to the theory that every Earth Pony in Equestria is related to the Apples, and ergo related to each other. Pinkie is totally unlike the rest of her family, although this may be Jossed in the future, of course.
--she's his teacher.  No, she's not.  If that were the case, she'd have to have TAUGHT him, and she didn't.  She didn't even remember having met him.

I insist that this falls into the category of "plausible ship." It might be subtext, it might happen someday, who knows.

2. FlutterDash.  Dash, it's been pointed out, has been shipped with everyone and the kitchen sink.  My theory about that is honestly that she's unshippable.  No, listen.  People always like ships with characters who for some reason are resistant to love. Dash is cocky and egotistical and unsentimental, and that's why everyone wants to have her fall in love. Rowling has a character like this, and it's Snape. *I* had a character like this, and it's why people wanted to ship him so badly with someone, even though they never admitted it to me.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash have an interesting relationship.  It goes back a long time, and they're polar opposites.  Dash is much more accepting of Flutters' "weakness" than she used to be. They're mutually supportive.  Art of them is beyond cute.

And they would make a crappy real couple.

3. DaringDash:  OK, there are problems here, too.  One is that Daring is basically a grayscale version of Dash. (Dash may or may not perceive being in love with herself as a problem.)  Now that we know Daring is a real and not a fictional character, we have the problem that Dash really worships her. Plus, it's --purely in my head, I admit--Daring is much older than Dash.  She's been to college, she's written an archeological treatise. Actual backstory, not mine, look it up in the forthcoming Daring Do series. And if she's written an academic piece, could she be considered a professor? She's also written a whole lot of novels. Daring is the equivalent of a minimum of thirty years old.  She's almost middle aged, if in extremely good shape. So--no.

4. Big Mac/ Cheerilee.  Because why not.  I suspect them of being a "canon" couple, but hey maybe they're just friends or Big Mac hasn't gotten around to it yet. And the show is dropping teeny hints about that, too.

5. Sweetie Belle and Button Mash.  Who the heck is Button, you ask?  Good question.  Until recently, I assumed he was someone's Original Character, but he's actually a background pony. He's playing a video game in Hearts and Hooves Day.  The putative "deleted scene":

and it's freaking adorable.  It's exactly what I expect in a "schoolyard ship": sweet, innocent, and with a lot of obliviousness mixed in: my exception to the "no CMC" rule.

Notice the shortness of this list?  Ee-yup. And in most cases, it simply does not matter what does and doesn't become canon.  This is not a romance show, and I honestly hope it never will be.

So there it is: pretty much everything I've got on shipping, all written up for you because I stupidly dosed my cat up with the wrong meds and have to stay up tonight to make sure he's ok.